How to Deal With a Condescending Coworker
Condescending coworkers are the colleagues who seem to look down their noses at everything you do. When they speak with you, their sentences inevitably end with that unstated, yet clear sentiment: “I think you’re an idiot.“
Assuming that you’re not misreading their behaviour (always a possibility), then you’re likely either dealing with a narcissist, someone who has no real clue what you do, or someone who is very insecure. (Or all three).
Whatever the root cause, they are likely completely unaware that they’re doing anything wrong, and failed to realize (or care) that they might be hurting other people’s feelings.
Condescending behaviour won't go away on its own
The bad news is that this type of behaviour will not go away on its own. The worse news is that, if you do nothing to stop it, you are implicitly condoning the behaviour—thus dooming yourself to dealing with it forever (or until you leave the company, whichever comes first).
You can talk with your boss, of course, but that should be the final option. And you don’t want to complain about this person to your other coworkers, because that can just make you look worse than the person you’re complaining about. Your only choice is dealing with it.
Here are two very different approaches you can try:
Two ways to approach a condescending coworker
1. Hints & Sarcasm
I’m not a big fan of sarcasm in the workplace, but this is one of those occasions where a few well-placed words can be effective. It begins with pre-planning some comebacks that shine a lighthearted light on your condescending coworker’s behavior—then using them to respond the next few times your coworker dishes out a condescending comment, i.e.:
- “Hey John – thanks for reminding me I’m an idiot!”
- “I’ll get right on that Susan – and thanks for those very kind words”
- “Nice tone of voice! Ever thought of a career as a tax collector?”
These kinds of comments send a gentle, but pointed, message that their behaviour is inappropriate – and that you aren’t going to let it slide. You might have to do it several times for the message to actually get through, but it very often does – sometimes accompanied by an impromptu apology.
2. A Frank & Open Discussion
When all else fails, find a private place and deal with it one-on-one.
Tell your colleague that you don’t appreciate the tone they use around you, and ask them what it’s going to take to be treated with a little more respect.
When you do this, you’ll find that they often plead ignorance – either not knowing, or not wanting to admit to their actions. But, they will also often clean up their act.
The worst that can happen is that, rather than apologize, they, get defensive. But even that has a silver lining – as they will at least tell you why they’re being so disrespectful. Then you have something to work with!
