How To Deal With An Unsupportive Boss
You do the right thing, and make a tough call – then out of nowhere, your boss overrules you. Maybe you said no to a customer. Either way, you got shot down with seemingly no thought at all – making you look and feel like an idiot. These are all too common scenarios. What do you do?
The boss may be doing the right thing – but the wrong way
A lot of times, unsupportive bosses are actually doing the right thing, but just not doing it well. Part of a manager’s job is to make judgement calls and recognize when exceptions can and should be made – and that includes occasionally overriding standard policies and practices. What managers sometimes forget, however, that they need to do it in a way that doesn’t throw a valuable team member under a bus.
Don’t blurt, and don’t let it fester
The emotions we have when feeling disrespected are real. And the anger, frustration and resentment can hang around for the whole day – or longer – impacting your confidence, attitude and work performance. Unfortunately, the most typical responses to these situations that I’ve seen are also the most counterproductive.
The most common of these is trying to bottle your emotions up in hope that you can get past it. This might work if your experience is isolated or otherwise uncharacteristic of your boss, but if the absence of support is a regular occurrence, this approach is just going to make you more bitter. Plus, if you say nothing, you are tacitly giving them permission to continue doing it.
The second most common approach is to vent anger and frustration while the incident, and the emotions, are still fresh. This rarely leads to a positive outcome, and is more likely to lead to your manager now feeling disrespected and defensive.
Talk about it after the dust has settled
Your best response is to wait until the emotions have subsided, then have a conversation with the boss about it. Yes, it may feel intimidating, but begin with the assumption that your bosses actually do care about you, but aren’t realizing the implications of their behavior.
In your conversation, don’t debate their decisions (particularly since they may have a legitimate reason for their actions that you aren’t aware of). Focus instead on expressing the impact their action had on you. For example:
“Hey boss. Can I ask a favor? I kind of looked like an idiot back there, when you overrode the corrective action I took with Cynthia. I’m concerned that it sends a negative message about my role around here. Is there any way we can do this differently in the future so I don’t lose credibility?”
You’ll get one of two responses
It’s a difficult conversation to have, but you’ll get one of two responses – and each will tell you something about your role and your manager.
The first, and most likely, is that your manager will acknowledge your concern, and be more careful the next time it happens. The second is that your boss will simply dismiss your perspective out of hand and make no changes to how they handle these situations.
Either way, you have a useful outcome. In the first instance, you get a better working environment. In the second, you may get the motivation you were looking for to find a job with a better employer!
