How to Deal With the Disappearing Coworker
The disappearing coworker is the one who always manages to vanish just when the workload gets difficult. If these people had a motto, it would be “When the going gets tough, I’m outta here.”
As with most internal customer service issues, the greatest frustration is that you don’t have the position power or the mandate to deal with it directly. All of the options open to you seem to have an equal potential for negative consequences. If you talk with the boss about it, you run the risk of coming across as a whiner. If you talk with your coworker about it, you might create a conflict. If you discuss it with your other coworkers, you could give the appearance of not being a team player. If you just ignore it, the situation won’t likely change. So, what do you do?
There are only two real options
As a general rule of thumb, any time you have a point of conflict with someone who is at an equal level with you – a coworker, peer, family member, friend, etc. – your two most viable options are:
learn to just accept the behaviour; or
deal with it directly with the individual
To accept the behaviour, it helps to try and understand it a little. Disappearing coworkers tend to avoid situations involving risk. Given a choice between ‘fight or flight,’ they will most often default to flight. It’s usually not laziness that drives the disappearing acts. It’s more likely to be insecurity. They aren’t good with stress.
A brief conversation is the best approach
The best way to deal with the disappearing coworker is to have a brief, but pointed, conversation. When you do, position your concern around his actions, and not around his character.
Don’t say, for example, “John, you are never around when we need you.” That will only make him defensive. A better approach is to appeal to their desire to not look bad. With that in mind, you instead might say:
“Hey John, I thought you should know… In the last couple of projects we’ve had, it kind of looks like you’re ducking out on us. I’m sure you’re not, but that’s the way it’s coming across. I thought I should give you a heads up.”
Don’t dwell on the topic or continue the discussion. As soon as you can, change the topic to something both of you will find more pleasant. This sends the message that you aren’t judging him – you’re just trying to help.
